This essay (if I may be so extreme) broke my heart. I love Langston Hughes, first of all. I think he has such a mastery of the English language that he can be simple and powerful at the same time. His description of the desire to hear and feel Jesus in his soul (like he was told he was), but failing, describes the let-down of many children (and adults).
I myself never had that life-rocking conversion experience that I heard so many people talk about, and it made me wonder about everyone who said that they felt free and light when they "accepted" Jesus. I wondered if they were lying, I wondered if they were kidding themselves, I wondered if I had just done it wrong.
It's taken quite a few struggles of faith to realize that what I felt when I was saved is not what matters, and whether others were lying when they said that they felt like they were light and free doesn't matter either. What matters is the reality of Christ, not the reality of the conversion experience.
What saddens me is the way that Hughes ends his essay--he leads me to believe that this disillusion of his childhood has carried on to his adulthood. Perhaps it was the heartbreak of childhood, or perhaps it was the hypocrisy he saw. Either way, when he says, "I didn't believe there was a Jesus any more, since he didn't come to help me," I can't help but believe that he wonders that today.
1 comment:
I, unlike Riane, did have a "Jesus explosion." Jesus and Christianity busted into my life in a way that I cannot explain, but it has taken me the past six years "to work out my salvation" (in the words of Dr. Bounds). Learning what you believe and why is a difficult process. And healing from past wounds only adds to the difficulty of trusting wholy in not only salvation but Christ as well.
I couldn't help but wondering if Hughs has all together given up on Christianity or if he is working out his salvation on his own terms. I hope that he hasn't given up, but as Riane noted, he ended in a very pessimestic note.
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